Philosophy, Redundancy & Fiber...

I spent a few minutes earlier beginning to write my next entry… Then I realized that the entry was entirely too serious. Not that I can’t be serious, but I can’t compete. Really… There are a ton of serious blogs out there. There are Biblical Blogs (making serious life points that MUST be considered), Philosophical Blogs (making a mockery of truth and seriousness), Political Blogs (making a mockery of… well, you fill in the blank), Corporate Blogs (pitching product… I would never point you to http://www.tbrgames.com/), Thoughts for the Day Blogs (I don’t need more of these, not today anyway), Redundancy Blogs… etc., so-forth-and-so-on, you get the point…

So I realized, I can’t compete so I will just continue issuing worthless words lacking wisdom. Besides, if no one else reads this, I can revel in the fact that I… well, I guess I can’t revel in anything, but on I go anyway.

Therefore, my dedicated readers (although you must be completely out of your mind to still be reading), I will point you to much more meaningful Blogs by linking to them on the right… Although I would pay closer attention to those under “Worthwhile Words”.

I lied yesterday. I indicated the bean story was over, but it seams there is considerable interest in a new line of beans… So I will open the can of beans up for comment. Do you have that perfect bean? One that would make your life easier? One that would save you time (kinda like microwaving a Pop Tart)? Shoot out a comment! We all need more fiber in our lives!

More worthless words later…

Prozac Beans, Mexican Beans and Absolution...

I could write pages and pages on this blog regarding the bean conversation with “the brothers,” but I won’t. Or maybe I will… Here is a listing of the potentially all-encompassing “beans” that we came up with (without all of the explanation!):

• Communion Beans
• trinitarian beans - might have three flavors in one. (Notice, I didn't capitalize "trinitarian" so as not to invoke the rule of blasphemy)
• absolution beans
• Green eggs and ham beans
• blood pressure beans
• biscuits and sausage gravy beans
• salt beans
• the Italian sandwich bean at Jimmy Johns
• Mexican beans (this would be a full meal at LaFondida's - Chips, Salsa, Tacos Pastor, and beans of course)
• Self actualized beans
• Iron beans
• Microsoft beans
• Bill Gates beans (editors note: ahhh, NO!)
• Prozac beans
• Cialis beans for those who are beanally challenged

I believe after writing this post, I can say with a certain level of confidence… we are all warped! Sometimes I feel it is just us (the rest of the world is normal). Then I remember that it was someone NOT a part of “the brothers” who started the bean conversation and then put his spin on the bean…

“An absolution bean? I think first it would have to be a Roman Catholic bean, because absolution typically follows confession, which is not one of the sacraments in the protestant churches (we kind of conveniently roll all of those things the Catholics do into grace and grape juice communion). So the beans would probably be produced by monks in some abbey in Europe, along with ale or liquor that monks produce. It would have to taste bad, otherwise people would be tempted to sin so they could eat a jelly bean. Then you would have to talk to the jelly bean and say something like… ‘oh Father Jelly Bean… I have sinned’, then you eat it. But I think the priest's union will put a stop to that whole thing because even though people eating the beans would THINK they have eternal security, the priests would have no job security. So, I'm not sure about the absolution bean thing. But keep thinking. (On 2nd thought, please don't keep thinking). How about a Sunday evening service bean where you can just pop one and skip sunday evening service? That one might be a hit.”

I felt as if this needed a response… Those who know me, know I usually keep my opinions to my self so here is what I said:

“See, I think he is missing the entire point and purpose of the ‘bean’. My understanding is that he was the one who started the whole bean (pun intended) thing to begin with. See... Jelly Belly decided to wrap-up the whole candy/good for ya thing into one compact package, and call it an energy bean. My understanding of the absolution bean is that it would do the same thing: Catholicism, confessional, communion, and of course, absolution. Although the whole ‘oh Father’ bit is probably right on mark. Besides! I am anti-union anyway. Maybe this is a good way to bust the priest union! by the way – ‘grace and grape juice’ - that is the second time today I have heard that. Is he a Ted Dekker reader? Think of it, a whole line of church beans:

Communion Bean (grace and grape flavored of course)
trinitarian bean (no caps of course)
absolution bean (aka "the union buster" - production outsourced to the monks)
CSA Bean (Church Skippers Anonymous Bean)
worship bean (for those who don't like to sing)
plain bean (for the poor)
Nazarene Bean (a substitute for movies and dancing)

unbelievable - he tells us to stop thinking and then throws out a comment like ‘a Sunday Evening service bean.’ What could he have possibly expected?”


More worthless words later…

Warped Minds...

Do you ever wonder… why we were given warped minds? That’s ok, neither do I. But don’t try and act like you don’t know what I am talking about! Come on… we laugh at Seinfeld – a show that is basically about nothing! We have the minds that has come up with coffee, latte, steamed milk, espresso… we have come up with keeping cockroaches, snakes and lizards as pets (cuddly as they may be)… we have, well, let your mind wander! Basically, we are a weird people with warped minds.

If you missed my last post, let’s just say that it ended with a warped bean conversation… Here is a continuance of the warped email trade from “the brothers”:

“Mmm, vodka beans. Mmm, tequila beans. Or magic beans so that when I through them out the window a giant bean stalk grows up to the clouds and when I climb it I meet a goose that lays golden eggs and a giant who wants me for his HLT sandwich (human, lettuce, and tomato).”

“whoa, whoa, whoa!!!! We have to stop right now... if Jelly Belly gets a hold of these ideas, next thing you know, they will come up with Buttered Popcorn beans or jalapeño beans or something!!! There is always meatloaf beans and fluoride beans... oh, a new marketing idea!!! we could make hats and call them beanies!”

“Hey, how about birthday dinner beans! Fried chicken, spinach, mashed potatoes w/gravy, milk, and a chocolate chip cookie cake for desert. They could even put a little of that melted birthday candle wax in the cake bean just to make it authentic.”

It’s not so much that the email trade (similar to Fair Trade, but without any pay) is funny for everyone, but, as my sister indicated in one of her more recent blogs, “My family, well, I believe lunacy is not only acceptable, but a requirement.” I will say, that I know for sure!

More worthless words later…

Blogging, Rules & Beans

Blogging… Wow, if you would have told me even 2 weeks ago that I was considering writing ANYTHING this insignificant, I would have called you a moron!

But, here I am… writing a meaningless written confabulation about what? Who knows. Isn’t that what Blogging is all about? Probably. Although my sister, as well as, my brother and sister-in-law would disagree.

For starters, let me set some ground rules for my blog… For those who know me, you know… I am all about the rules. Rule 1 – I will most likely use the word “basically” way too much, deal with it. Rule 2 – I will most likely use the ellipse (“..”) way too much, deal with it. Rule 3 – I will most likely use the words “most likely” and “way too much” way too much, deal with it. Rule 4 – I will have fun with the blog. Rule 5 – Basically, see Rule 1.

I am blogging, not because I have anything significant to say, but instead because I am looking to basically practice my writing skills (or lack thereof). I am blogging because my sister thinks she can talk about me in her blogs without my permission… I am looking for paybacks. I am blogging because… well, I have no idea why.

So, I am going to start my first few entries by sharing some thoughts from “the brothers.” Several months ago, we began a email trade of sorts. It almost became spam, but we stopped just short. It all started when my sister (an honorary member of “the brothers”) emailed us, bringing our attention to the following:

“I know we are all concerned about our health and energy levels. Fortunately those issues have now been address through the nutritionally sound company - Jelly Belly. Check this out: http://www.sportbeans.com/. Now, I know you will all want to begin to order these, but hold on--as a friend of my so well put it: ‘Since you can now get your energy from a Jelly Bean, I'm waiting for the Beer jelly bean to come out before I order. Just pop a couple with Pizza and you can bypass the bottle returns, refrigeration...pull one out of your pocket when you're having a bad day at work and nobody knows the difference until you start slurring your speech and falling out of your chair in those tough meetings.’”

The problem(s) with this email was that none of us are too horribly concerned with health, energy, or jelly beans for that matter. So, in our usual sarcastic ways, we began to respond… and respond we did:

“to late to order the whisky beans for today?”

“I am keeping my eye on you. It seems the likelihood for jelly bean abuse would be high. Then you would have to check into a 12-step program and how would that sound "Hello, my name is Marc and I am a jelly bean-a-holic. I had my last bean yesterday after the staff meeting?????"--no just doesn't work.”

More worthless words later…