Elections, Quotes and Presidents...

It’s election season, what a trip! Between the endless commercials (only to get worse) and the constant media attention, I love today’s media… really I do. During that 10:00 news or on one of the 24-hour stops on the air, we catch a sound bite from a politician, a quote from an actor or actress, or hear a quick quip on our favorite prime-time show. But really, are things that bad? Are people really that (fill your own word in here)? Somehow, I don’t think so.

I think of media reports like Marion Barry thinks of Washington DC: “If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.” I say: If you take the spin and misrepresentations out of the media, the reporters really do get it right.

Ok, follow my logic here for a minute. If you follow the media, we haven’t had a good president since maybe Johnson:

• President Nixon: “I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes.”
• President Ford: “I watch a lot of baseball on the radio.”
• President Carter: “I've looked on many women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times…”
• President Reagan: “Facts are stupid thing.”
• President Bush: “For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks.”
• President Clinton: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Ok, maybe they got that one right, so I’ll include another one instead: “When I was a younger man and had a life, I owned an El Camino pickup in the '70s. It was a real sort of Southern deal. I had Astroturf in the back. You don't want to know why, but I did.”
• President Bush: “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country.”

Maybe things aren’t so bad… maybe that’s all we know.

The funny thing is… I really don’t know if any of these quotes are true. Think about it! I didn’t hear (most of) them or look each of them up on http://www.snopes.com/! I think Ivana Trump has it right: “Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.”

But in the end, I believe that the anonymous writers are the ones that get it: “When all is said and done, there are more things said than done!”

More worthless words later…

Vonage, Support, and Worthless Words...

Wow… although many of you probably found the last post somewhat mundane… Others probably (those who have lived through it) found it “on mark.” Therefore, I just can’t leave well enough alone. And yes, sometimes I feel like this blog could have a theme song from Aaron Shust.

Let me just say, I love my Vonage. I really do. Nearly everyone I have referred them to loves Vonage. But there is always that one. The one person out there who is completely electronically challenged. You know that person… He/She just can’t get ANYTHING electronic to work for them. They touch a TV and it stops working. They get a Blackberry or a laptop and it won’t work for them. They get Vonage… you get the point. I have two in my life. I won’t name specific names, mainly because it is irrelevant.

So… on with the story. I decide to help one of these “electronics challenged” people out tonight by canceling their Vonage for them. I have never been so… fill in your own word here. Here is the conversation with the “Customer Service Representative” (yeah, right) tonight:

Marc: “please cancel the service.”
CSR: “Ok, that is fine. There will be a $39.00 termination fee.
Marc: “Ah, NO. I have attempted to fix this service for 2+ months on 3 or 4 occasions and tech support has been unable to fix it.”
CSR: “Would you like me to move you to Level 2 support”
Marc: “Ah, NO! Please cancel the service.”
CSR: “Ok, there will be a $39 termination fee.”
Marc: “I am specifically telling you that you are not authorized to charge the card.”
CSR: “Then I will be unable to cancel your account, it will remain active.”
Marc: “No. Please cancel the service. I am not authorizing ANY further charges on my account whether they are for service or termination. At this stage, you have no alternative, but to cancel my account with no termination fees. Vonage has violated the Terms of Service by not supplying appropriate levels of technical support and not allowing access to service for over 2 months.”
CSR: “I can’t do that.”

The process then started over again as if we never had the first conversation. So, I guess the answer is yes. I have worthless words that aren't put on this blog (no comments from the peanut gallery).

No joke. We had the same conversation approximately 50 times (without one bit of exaggeration). 45 MINUTES. The best part is some of you know me well enough to know that arguing is one of my favorite pastimes (just after playing games from http://www.tbrgames.com/). Therefore, you know that I am NOT exaggerating!

Because this CSR was so particular about following “company policy” I know that he was not able to hang-up on me. I really think he thought he could out wait me. Side note: I am the guy that after telling a phone sales rep that I was not interested 12 times… I had them talk to my 2 year old son for 20 minutes. I was nearly to that point tonight. I WAS NOT GOING TO HANG UP!

After 40 minutes of back-and-forth and 4 minutes of me NOT hanging up, he realized that he should just cancel the account and give me a cancellation confirmation number. The bad part was even after he was told NOT to charge the card, he charged the card. In all honesty, it was the most absurd conversation I have ever had with another human being… and I have had some weird ones!! I could tell you stories about late night runs to Bills Toasties… I digress!

I will finish much like I started… I like MY Vonage. It is just those around me that have serious issues with electronics… I know this post may not have had the wit as those in the past, but seriously: imagine having that conversation 50 times with the same person. No, on second thought… DON’T.

Well, the best I can do is post this on the bulletin board: “Customer Service Representative from Vonage: Free to good Christian home!”

More worthless (and hopefully wittier) words later…

Tech Support, Nothing, and Yorkshire Terriers...

I really don’t have anything to write about today… ok, well, that is true for all of my posts. So, is anybody out there in love with his or her technical support? Seriously? If you are reading this blog, then I can’t imagine that you have never had to deal with a technical support “team.”

If you haven’t, try to get a wireless (802.11g) printer working, have your MacBook access the wireless Internet at home, get your old wireless router working (or just wait for another hand-me-down). And when all of that fails, then I challenge you try and cancel your VOIP service. It’s a weird world where the adage of garbage-in/garbage-out very well may not apply. You spend days trying, then you have your brother, sister, uncle, great aunt (twice removed), dad, friend and area Internet hack try and fix it… but to no avail! Then… Then you are given the ability; nay, I say the privilege to place a call to tech-support. After 45 minutes of talking with our friends in India, telling them that we want to cancel service, then you spend talking another 45 minutes with someone who is telling you that the credit card that is being billed is not the one on the account.

Come on now, you know you have been there. If not, then I am not worthy to write this worthless blog for you… read something more meaningfull (see the stuff to the right).

A Jewish friend of my sister’s was at her vet recently and noticed a sign on the bulletin board: “Yorkshire Terrier: Free to Good Christian Home.” I would comment further, but I believe there is nothing more to say!

Why do I bring up that story? What is the point of that story? I don’t know… but it’s funny. I guess we could use it as a moral to the tech-support story… instead of calling tech-support, maybe we should just post on the bulletin board: “VOIP Router, fails regularly, drops connections, won’t cancel – Free to Good Christian Home!”

Maybe not.

More worthless words later…

Church Auctions, Vasectomies, and Free Trips to Vegas…

Well, after taking a couple of days off, my mind stopped working again. Therefore, I am able to continue my worthless written contemplations today.

I was in a conversation several years ago with a friend of mine who purchased a vasectomy at a church auction… ok, for those who stuttered through reading that, let me say it again… he purchased a vasectomy at a church auction. Well, actually, he had a relative purchase the vasectomy for him at the church auction. The funny part of this is that more recently I was talking to another friend of mine, who revealed that HE was the one who purchased it for him. This would have occurred one year after He himself purchased a vasectomy at an earlier church auction.

This brings up so many questions… first is, what would ever possess someone to purchase a vasectomy at an auction (ok, I’ll buy the $100 price tag). But, what would ever make a doctor think of donating it? Were he and his wife sitting around the dinner table eating spaghetti and meatballs and he just blurted out… “Honey, what do you think about donating a life changing surgery to the church?” Forget the painting on the wall… the crock-pot that they received for their wedding that they have never used… or for that matter, the brand new set of steak knifes they purchased the night before!! Forget all that… he went straight for the “surgical removal of all or part of the vas deferens.”

Could you even imagine showing up at that auction? Unfortunately that conjures up some images that I don’t want! The round tables in the middle of the room, where people are sitting and eating the potluck food. The long tables around the outside of the room where all of the silent auction items would be placed (it must have been silent, there isn’t an auctioneer in the country that would stand up in front of a room full of men and say, “the next item up for auction is…”). As an attendee of the auction, a person would begin to walk around the room… first they come to the painting from the wall of the other doctor in the congregation, then they approach the games purchased at http://www.tbrgames.com/ (of course they would place a bid on those items), then comes someone’s set of steak knives, then the newlywed’s crock-pot, the next item would be what? a free trip to Vegas, then a keg of beer (couldn’t have been Nazarene), then… what the heck would you put on the table for a vasectomy? I don’t even want to know!

In the wise words from the movie Multiplicity:

“I'll get you something... probably not a [vasectomy], but definitely something!”

More worthless (but far less painful) words later…